Step One: Buy a pattern on Etsy in January 2012. Get wrapped up in other projects and put off learning to crochet. (I learned how to knit first, which I think was my downfall.)
Step Two: Have your (patient) mother attempt to teach you crochet once every six months for the next five years. Get frustrated and throw your yarn in a corner.
Step Three: Your patient mom learns the crochet pattern so she can lead you through it step by step. It only takes two weeks of hands-on demonstrations to get it down.
Step Four: You still can't read patterns so you write out your own interpretation of the pattern.
Step Five: GO YARN SHOPPING!
Step Six: Podcast and stitch. Podcast and stitch.
Step Seven: Put it all together in a way you just invented because you still cannot read that pattern and what YouTube is telling you to do is unintelligible.
Step Eight: OMG THIS BABY.